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- Drunk walks in a bar and says, “I’ll fart the Star-Spangle Banner for two beers.” Bartender says, “Go for it!” Drunk climbs on the bar, people gather round. The drunk then drops his pants, gets on all fours, and proceeds to shit all over the bar. “Wait a minute,” the bartender says, “What in the hell did you do that for?” Without missing a beat the drunk replies, “Hey, even Frank Sinatra has to clear his throat before performing!”
- Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.
- What do you call an Englishman’s fart? British Gas.
- My British friend calls his farts “a bit of a windy poo.”
- A man is standing in line at the theater and this crusty bum next to him stinks in the worst way. “I say old chap, have you farted?” he asks. “No!” says the bum. A few minutes go by and the stench continues in waves. “My dear man, are you SURE you haven’t farted?” asks the man. “No!” repeats the bum. Inside, the man takes his seat, and as luck would have it, the bum sits right next to him. The odor is breathtaking. “Well,” says the man, “If you haven’t farted, have you shat your pants?” The bum leans over and says with a wink, “Now yer talkin’!”
- What gives me uncontrollable gas? Auschwitz.
- Frrrt poot brrt frrrt poot? ToooooOOOOOOOT!
- I used to tell fart jokes till everyone told me they stunk.
- So Stan has a problem. Every time he farts, instead of the typical PHHBBBBTTTTT noise, it goes “Honda!” While this didn’t really bother him in and of itself, he was alarmed that there might be something wrong with him. He visits doctor after doctor trying to find an explanation, but has no luck. All the doctors are completely baffled. Eventually, he finds his way to the far east and visits an old Japanese doctor. He explains the problem and the doctor nods knowingly. “You have abscess,” says the doctor. “An abscess?” says Stan. “Yes. Everyone knows abscess make the fart go Honda!”
- Pull my finger.
Best Fart Jokes
- Why shouldn’t you ever fart on an elevator? It’s wrong on so many levels.
- What do you call someone who never farts in public? A private tutor.
- Why did the fart get a promotion? It was a real gas.
- Why don’t farts ever get lost? They always follow their nose.
- What did one fart say to the other? “You crack me up!”
Fart Jokes Reddit
- Why do farts smell? So that deaf people can enjoy them too.
- What’s a fart’s favorite instrument? The wind section.
- Why did the fart cross the road? To get to the other stinker.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, including farts.
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems and not enough fart jokes.
Short Fart Jokes
- What’s invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny farts.
- Why was the toilet paper rolling down the hill? To get to the bottom of things.
- What did the fart say to the toilet? “I’ve got to let it go.”
- Why do beans give you gas? Because they’re magical.
- What’s silent but deadly? A ninja fart.
Funny Fart Jokes
- Why don’t ghosts fart in public? Because they have silent but deadly farts.
- What do you get if you eat beans for breakfast? A musical morning.
- Why was the fart feeling lonely? Because it had no body to laugh with.
- What’s a fart’s favorite movie? Gone with the Wind.
- Why don’t farts make good comedians? Because they’re always blowing their punchlines.
Fart Jokes for Adults
- Why do old men fart more? Because they can’t hold it in anymore.
- What do you call a fart that follows you around? Your personal air force.
- Why did the fart get a job? To clear the air.
- Why was the fart jealous of the burp? Because the burp always gets to go first.
- Why did the fart join a band? Because it was tired of being silent but deadly.
Fart Jokes for Kids
- Why do farts stink? So that monsters can’t sneak up on you.
- What’s a fart’s favorite game? Hide and stink.
- Why don’t farts ever get cold? Because they’re always blowing hot air.
- What did the fart say to the bathtub? “I’m bubbling up with excitement!”
- Why did the fart join the circus? It wanted to be a part of the big top.
Disgusting Fart Jokes
- Why did the fart get expelled from school? It was too disruptive.
- What’s the grossest kind of fart? The one that sneaks up on you.
- Why don’t farts play sports? Because they always blow it.
- What do you call a fart that’s stuck in a car? A traffic jam.
- Why did the fart cross the room? To escape the silent treatment.
Fart Jokes One-Liners
- I farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.
- A fart is like a ghost, silent and deadly.
- I tried to hold in my fart, but it slipped through my cracks.
- Don’t trust a fart after eating beans.
- My fart was so bad, even the dog blamed me.
- Why don’t farts play poker? Because they can’t keep a straight face.
- My fart is my best friend; it always sticks around.
- Farting is a gas!
- I have a fart collection; it’s a real windfall.
- Why do farts hate birthdays? They always blow out the candles.
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