70 Funny Jokes About Football

Get ready to score some laughs with these 70 hilarious jokes all about the exciting world of football (soccer in some regions). Whether you’re a football enthusiast or just looking for a good laugh, these jokes are sure to add some humor to your time on the pitch.

Jump to:

Football Puns

Prepare for some goal-worthy humor with this collection of puns centered around football. Share these puns to spread the football joy and humor!

1. Why did the football player bring a ladder to the match? To “reach” new heights!
2. What’s a football player’s favorite type of music? “Kick” and roll, of course!
3. Did you hear about the football player who opened a bakery? He specializes in “header” rolls!
4. How do football players greet each other on the pitch? With a “header” and a “tackle”!
5. What’s a football player’s favorite fruit? “Penalty”-grapes.
6. Why did the football player bring an umbrella to the match? In case of a “downpour.”
7. How do football players apologize? They say, “Sorry, I was in a “free kick” mood.”
8. What’s a football player’s favorite planet? “Futbol”-tus.
9. Why did the football player bring a football to lunch? To “pass” the time.
10. Why was the football player always in a good mood? Because he had a “field” of jokes!

Football One Liners

Enjoy these quick one-liners for some goal-tastic amusement. Share these jokes to add a touch of humor to your football matches.

• Football: where “kicks” become punchlines.
• I tried playing football once, but I’m not “goal-ted” for it.
• How do football players stay cool on the pitch? They sip on “penalty”mint tea.
• Football is like a ballet with a ball.
• Why did the football player bring a pen to the match? To “draw” up the tactics.
• Football is the art of strategy and teamwork.
• I told my friend I’m going to play football. They said, “That’s a “score” idea!”
• What’s a football player’s favorite Olympic sport? “Goal” vaulting.
• Football: where “corner kicks” and laughs are part of the game.
• Football: where “hat-tricks” are a way of life.

Best Football Jokes (Part 1)

Enjoy the first part of the best football jokes that are sure to make you smile. These are the cream of the crop when it comes to football-related humor!

21. Why did the football player bring a ladder to the championship match? To “climb” to victory!
22. What do you call a football player who never gives up? “Un-stoppable.”
23. Did you hear about the football player who opened a travel agency? They offer “cross” country vacations!
24. How do football players say goodbye on the pitch? They “kick” you later!
25. Why did the football player bring a picnic basket to the match? To “score” some delicious snacks.
26. Football player’s favorite dance move? The “goal” shuffle.
27. What’s a football player’s favorite dessert after a game? “Goal post” pie.
28. Did you hear about the football player who started a pizza business? Their specialty is “corner kick” pies.
29. Why did the football player bring a stopwatch to lunch? To “time” their meal.
30. What’s a football player’s favorite time of day? “Kick-off”-clock!

Best Football Jokes (Part 2)

Enjoy the second part of the best football jokes that are sure to keep the laughter going. These jokes continue the fun-filled football humor!

31. Why did the football player refuse to share their lucky football? They didn’t want to “lose their touch.”
32. Did you hear about the football player who opened a laundry service? They wanted to “tackle” the competition.
33. What’s a football player’s favorite part of football? The “goal” moment.
34. How do football players practice for a big match? They “pass” it up.
35. Why did the football coach go to the beach with sunscreen and a football? To work on their “sand football.”
36. What did the football player say to the stressed-out newbie? “Let’s “defend” your worries and find your “flow.”
37. Why was the football team always cool under pressure? Because they knew how to “field” with it.
38. What’s a football player’s favorite kind of footwear? “Cleats.”
39. Did you hear about the football player who became a gardener? He mastered the “pitch” for weeds.
40. How do football players take their coffee? “With a side of “volleys.”
41. Why was the football team always good at math? Because they knew how to use their “heads” in calculations.
42. What do you call a football player’s favorite dessert? “Tackle”berry pie.
43. Why did the football player bring a ladder to the practice? To work on their “header” skills.
44. How do football players stay warm in the winter? They huddle up for some “teamperature” control.
45. Why did the football player bring a map to the match? To find the “goal” efficiently.
46. What do you call a football player who’s also a chef? A “striker” chef.
47. Why did the football player go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
48. What’s a football player’s favorite TV show? “Breaking Goal.”
49. What do football players eat before a big game? “Tacko” Bell.
50. How do football players stay fit? They “run the pitch.”
51. Cartoon graphic of football players sharing a laugh on the pitch.
52. Why did the football player bring a pencil to the game? To “draw” fouls.
53. What’s a football player’s favorite type of seafood? “Penalty” shrimp.
54. Why was the football player always calm under pressure? Because he had nerves of “steel”!
55. What do you call a football player who can play a musical instrument? A “musical midfielder.”
56. Why did the football player bring a backpack to the stadium? In case he needed a “sub-stitute.”
57. What’s a football player’s favorite type of movie? “Goal”-digger films.
58. Why did the football player bring a dictionary to the match? To understand all the “headers.”
59. What do you call a football player’s favorite vegetable? “Header” lettuce.
60. Why don’t football players ever become poets? Because they can’t stop “kicking” around ideas.
61. How do football players measure success? With “goal”-ons and assists.
62. Cartoon graphic of football players enjoying a laugh on the pitch.
63. Why did the football player bring a backpack to the game? In case he needed to “tackle” some extra gear.
64. What’s a football player’s favorite time of the day? “Kickoff” time!
65. Why did the football player bring a hairbrush to practice? To “brush up” on his skills.
66. What do football players do during a storm? They “weather” it out.
67. Why did the football player become an artist? He had a natural talent for “draw”ing fouls.
68. What’s a football player’s favorite book? “The Kicking Tree.”
69. Why did the football player bring a suitcase to the stadium? In case he needed to “pack” a punch.
70. What’s a football player’s favorite subject in school? “Soccer”-logy.

Final Thoughts

We hope these football jokes added some humor and excitement to your time on the pitch. If you’re still ready for more laughs, check out these other collections of jokes:

• Sports Humor Jokes

• Playful Puns for a Good Laugh

• Silly Jokes for Light-hearted Moments

Remember, sharing a good laugh is a great way to enjoy your football matches and connect with fellow players. Share these jokes with your football buddies for some goal-tastic enjoyment!