85 Funny Jokes About Clocks

Tick-tock your way to laughter with these 85 hilarious jokes all about clocks. Whether you’re a horologist or just looking for a good chuckle, these jokes are sure to make your day tick with humor.

Jump to:

Clock Puns

Wind up your sense of humor with this collection of puns centered around clocks. Share these puns to spread the timely humor!

Why did the clock break up with the calendar? It felt like their relationship was too “date”-oriented.
What do you call a clock that tells jokes? A “timely” wit!
Did you hear about the clock that started a band? It was great at “keeping time.”
How do you compliment a well-crafted clock? “You’re really ‘hour’-ganized!”
What’s a clock’s favorite type of music? “Rock and roll,” of course!
Why did the clock apply for a job as a timekeeper? It wanted to be part of the “time”-honored team.
How do clocks greet each other? “We make quite the ‘minute’ together!”
What did the one clock say to the other during a time dispute? “Let’s ‘hour’-monize our schedules!”
How do clocks apologize? They “turn back” and say sorry.
What’s a clock’s favorite game? “Hide and ‘tik-tok’,” of course!

Clock One Liners

Enjoy these quick one-liners for some clock-themed amusement. Share these jokes for a dose of timely humor and fun.

Clocks never lose their edge; they’re always “second” to none.
Why do clocks make terrible comedians? They can’t “hour”-dle the jokes.
I told a clock joke, but it didn’t “tick” with the audience.
What did one clock say to the other during a disagreement? “Let’s find a ‘minute’ compromise!”
Clocks always tell the best stories; they’re full of “time”-travel tales.
Did you hear about the clock that went to comedy school? It wanted to “hour”-bor humor.
How do clocks always stay positive? They’re always “up” and running.
Why did the clock refuse to play cards? It didn’t want to risk being “wound” up!
What’s a clock’s favorite sport? “Clock-in-ball” at the Olympics!
Did you hear about the clocks that went on strike? They weren’t “ticking” anymore.

Best Clock Jokes (Part 1)

Enjoy the first part of the best clock jokes that are sure to make you smile. These are the cream of the crop when it comes to clock-related humor!

Why did the clock win an award? It had a “timely” performance!
What’s a clock’s favorite place? The “face” of the clock, of course!
Did you hear about the clock that wrote a book? It had some “hour-iginal” stories.
How do clocks communicate? They “face” the conversation!
Why did the grandfather clock apply for a job at the antique shop? It wanted to be the “grand” timepiece.
Clocks are great at solving problems; they always “tick” away at solutions.
What’s a clock’s favorite dance? The “tic-and-tock.”
Did you hear about the clock that won a contest? It was “clock-tastic.”
How do clocks keep up with the latest fashion trends? They “watch” style advice.
Why did the clock start a YouTube channel? It wanted to share its “timely” ideas.

Best Clock Jokes (Part 2)

Enjoy the second part of the best clock jokes that are sure to keep the laughter timely. These jokes continue the fun-filled ticking!

Why did the clock have a hard time in school? It was always “running” late.
What’s a clock’s favorite place to vacation? “Watchington D.C.”!
Did you hear about the clock that became a fashion model? It was a real “trend-setter” on the runway.
How do clocks always stay ahead of the curve? They’re “ahead of the ‘hands.’”
Clocks are great motivational speakers; they’re always “winding” up minds!
What did the one clock say to the other after a long day of ticking? “Let’s ‘hour’ it down!”
Clocks are great at networking; they always “set up” conversations.
Did you hear about the clock that won a race? It had a “second-to-none” finish!
How do clocks keep their secrets safe? They’re always “wound” up.
Why did the clock turn red? It was all “clock-cited”!
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
Why did the digital clock break up with the analog clock? It couldn’t stand its “handsy” nature.
Did you hear about the clock that won the marathon? It really “paced” itself.
How do clocks resolve conflicts? They “talk it out” in a timely manner.
Why did the clock always get invited to parties? It knew how to “count down” to the fun.
Did you hear about the clock that became a DJ? It knew how to drop the “beats” on time.
How do clocks stay in shape? They do “tic-toc-cises” every day.
What’s a clock’s favorite place to travel? “Switzerland,” where all the clocks are made.
Why did the clock get a promotion at work? It had “second-to-none” time management skills.
What did the clock say to the sleepy watch? “Wake up, you’re ‘second’ to none!”
Did you hear about the clock that took up painting? It could create “timeless” art.
What’s a clock’s favorite season? “Spring,” because it’s all about new beginnings.
Why did the clock apply for a job at the bakery? It wanted to “spend more time” with pastries.
How do you throw a clock party? “You ‘hour’ it!”
What’s a clock’s favorite hobby? “Second-guessing.”
Why did the clock get kicked out of the library? It couldn’t keep its “hands” off the books.
Did you hear about the clock that went to therapy? It had issues with “ticking” anxiously.
How do you fix a broken clock? With “second” thoughts.
Why did the clock break up with the stopwatch? It was tired of being “rushed.”
What’s a clock’s favorite movie genre? “Time travel” adventures.
Did you hear about the clock that started a detective agency? It was great at “timing” investigations.
How do clocks apologize? They “make amends” by setting things right.
What’s a clock’s favorite kind of party? A “grandfather clock” party!
Why did the clock take up gardening? It wanted to “grow” its skills.
Did you hear about the clock that became a motivational speaker? It knew how to “set goals” on time.
How do clocks stay cool during summer? They “stay in the shade.”
Why did the clock join the soccer team? It wanted to be the “center forward.”
What’s a clock’s favorite sport? “Basket-tick-ball.”
Did you hear about the clock that wrote a song? It had some “timely” lyrics.
Why do clocks always have a “second” chance? Because they’re forgiving!
What’s a clock’s favorite meal of the day? “Lunch time.”
Why did the clock go to school? It wanted to “learn” how to “keep time.”
Did you hear about the clock that became a baker? It made “watch” cookies.
How do clocks settle disagreements? They “strike a balance.”
What’s a clock’s favorite exercise? “Time jumping.”
Why do clocks make great comedians? They always have “punchlines.”
What do you call a clock that’s always late? “Behind the times.”
Did you hear about the clock that went to space? It had a “blast off” time.
How do clocks keep their skin looking young? They use “anti-aging cream.”
Why did the clock get a promotion at work? It was “timely” and reliable.
What’s a clock’s favorite type of weather? “Sunny and ‘time’ly.”
Did you hear about the clock that became a teacher? It had great “timing” skills.
How do clocks relax? They “wind down.”
What’s a clock’s favorite TV show? “Prime time” programs.
Why did the clock go to therapy? It had issues with “tick-tension.”