60 Funny Bald Jokes

Get ready to laugh your hair off with these 60 hilarious bald jokes and puns. Whether you’re bald, know someone who is, or just love a good laugh, these jokes about being bald are sure to make your day.

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Bald Puns

Enjoy the first part of bald puns that will have you laughing. Share these puns to spread the humor!

1. What do you call an airplane full of bald people?
   Receding airlines.
2. Why are lice sad on the head of a bald man?
   They’re all homeless.
3. What happens when two bald men put their heads together?
   They make an ass of themselves.
4. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
   Thanks, I’ll never part with it.
5. When do you notice that you are going bald?
   When it takes longer and longer to wash your face.
6. What do you call a bald man on a windy day?
   Fortunate.
7. What’s the difference between a bald man and an egg?
   Eggs get laid.
8. Why is it against the law to hunt bald eagles?
   Because it’s ill-eagle.
9. Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald in his teens?
   He lost his Hedwig.
10. Why was there a lot of controversy about the bald man’s will?
    Turns out he didn’t have any heirs.

Here are some light-hearted bald jokes for you from legit.ng

1. I’m not saying my friend’s losing his hair, but lice are starting to picket about deforestation.
2. People with hairless heads have problems. You cannot pretend that the hair you find in food is your own.
3. What did a guy with a hairless head say when he got a comb for his birthday? Thanks, I will never part with the comb.
4. I got my father’s weak chin, receding hairline, and a big, hook nose. It was the strangest will reading I have ever attended.
5. What if all bareheaded and bearded people really just have hair cut upside down?
6. His head is brighter than my future.
7. When bald people wash their face, how far up do they go?
8. What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hairline.
9. What do you call lice on a hairless head? Homeless.
10. When did the guy with a hairless head leave the wig shop without a wig? Because he forgot toupee.
11. The best thing about being tall and bald is that people just think you are tall.
12. You are so bare. When you get a shower, you get brainwashed.
13. You are so bare when you wear a turtleneck; you look like roll-on deodorant!
14. Your head is so hairless that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.
15. You’re so bare. I can rub your head to see into the future.
16. Your hairline’s so far back you need binoculars to see it.
17. My friend is having a no hair day.
18. Women in my focus group say a bald-headed man is trustworthy. He has nothing to hide.
19. What do you call it when a person shaves their head bald to blend in with cancer patients? Chemoflage.
20. Your mama’s hairline got so many peaks and valleys you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.
21. You are so bald, the reflection of your head is blinding people in India.
22. Don’t waste money on hair restorer. Just paint a series of little rabbits on your bald head. From a distance, they look like hares.
23. What’s the difference between a monkey, an orphan, a prince, and Bald Bill? A monkey has a hairy parent, an orphan has nary a parent, a prince is an heir apparent, and Bald Bill has no hair apparently.
24. You’re so bald; the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.
25. Doctor, doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in? Yes, here is a paper bag!
26. Teacher: I see you don’t cut your hair any longer. Fred: No sir, I cut it shorter.
27. After accepting an invitation to dance with Bald Bill, a young woman wanted to lighten the mood and said, Honey, God was good to you! He gave you a handsome face and room for another one.
28. If I ever start to go bald, I’ll get a rabbit tattooed onto my head… From a distance, it would look like a hare.
29. My wife is leaving me because I’m going bald. I’m not bothered though. It’s hair loss.
30. I walked into a barbershop, as I entered; I thought to myself, What am I doing hair?
31. Why don’t bald people use keys? Because they don’t have any locks.
32. I wouldn’t say I was going bald, but… When I asked my barber to cut my hair, he replied, Which one?
33. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there is your diamond in the rough.
34. With a body like this, who needs hair?
35. I’m not saying you are going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.
36. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
37. After years of being bare, the idea of hair doesn’t sound too bad. It’s starting to grow on me.
38. There are no bald people; there are only gingers with initiatives.
39. My friend’s been losing his hair and is really insecure about it, so I suggested he should get a transplant. He didn’t go for it though – he thought he’d look stupid with a kidney on his head.
40. You are so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.
41. Your profile says you have a lot of dark wavy hair. Oh! I do, it is on my back.
42. Getting bald isn’t about losing hair, it is about getting more head.
43. You are so bare. Bob Hope would refer to you as ‘grandpa.’
44. Imagine having a head which resembles a brand new pot!
45. Only a man with an extended forehead wakes up looking good.
46. My wife says that it’s a solar panel for my love machine.
47. Did you know that hair is really dead? I guess that means your head is a corpse.
48. How can you avoid falling hair? Get out of the way.

Continue the laughter with the second part of bald puns. These are sure to crack you up!

11. What should you not say in an argument against a bald person?
    Hair me out.
12. How can you identify a bald eagle?
    All his feathers are combed to one side.
13. When do you know you’re going bald?
    When you use more toothpaste than shampoo.
14. Why are people really worried about this recession?
    They fear that they may go bald.
15. The man walked in the rain without anything covering his head, but he didn’t get rain on a single hair. How?
    He was bald.
16. What kind of bird doesn’t need a comb?
    A bald eagle.
17. Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
    He hoped they’d look like hares.
18. What did René Descartes say when he went bald?
    Cogito hair go sum.
19. What did the bald man say to himself in the mirror?
    What do we have hair?
20. What do diarrhea and baldness have in common?
    They both run in your genes.

Bald One Liners

Enjoy the first part of bald one-liners that will have you laughing. Share these jokes for some quick humor.

• Being bald means you went back to your roots.
• My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
• I once knew a bald guy who liked to draw rabbits on his head because from a distance. They looked like hares.
• I like playing chess with bald people in the park. The problem is, it’s kind of hard to find 32 of them.
• I was gonna make a joke about a bald guy’s hair. But then I remembered there was nothing to joke about.
• A bald guy slipped in the shower. Fell on his head and slipped again.
• I’m not saying you are going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.
• I was fed-up with people laughing at me for being bald, so I went out and bought a hairpiece. It was a small price toupee.
• The last time I washed my hair was 3 months ago I wasn’t completely bald then.
• Bald people struggle with improvisation. They can’t seem to come up with anything off the top of their head.
• Baldness is the secret that slowly rises to the top.
• Being bald is like a car with no roof. You can feel every bump.
• My hair’s falling out. It’s no longer a hairline; it’s more like a hair “dot.”
• My wife left me because I’m going bald. I’m not bothered though. It’s hair loss.
• I used to have hair, then I joined the army.
• A bald guy never has a bad hair day.
• I used to be in a band called “The Bald and the Beautiful.” We were all bald, and our fans were beautiful.
• When you’re bald, you don’t have bed head; you have pillow head.
• I’m not losing hair; I’m gaining forehead.
• The bald guy at the bakery always makes great rolls. He kneads the dough with his head.

Best Bald Jokes

Enjoy the first part of the best bald jokes that are sure to make you smile. These are the cream of the crop when it comes to bald-related humor!

41. What do you call a bald porcupine?
    Pointless.
42. What does a balding magician have in his hat?
    Hare.
43. Why is the moon bald?
    It has no air.
44. What is the best thing about being tall and having a bald patch?
    People think you’re just tall.
45. My wife is leaving me because I’m going bald. I’m not bothered though. It’s hair loss.
46. What do you call lice that live in a bald man’s head?
    Homeless.
47. Why don’t bald people use keys?
    Because they don’t have any locks.
48. What happened between a bald person and their hair?
    They had a falling out.
49. Why do bald people always look forward to sunny days?
    That’s their time to shine.
50. What do you call a barber that only works on bald people?
    An air stylist

51. Why did the bald man put a chair in front of the mirror?
    He wanted to reflect on his baldness.
52. I told my friend he was going bald. He didn’t take it well. He’s still in de-Nile.
53. Why don’t bald men use keys?
    They’ve lost their locks.
54. When you’re bald, everything looks clearer. There’s nothing in your way.
55. Why did the bald man get a job at the bakery?
    He kneaded the dough with his head.
56. What’s the advantage of being bald in the winter?
    You don’t need to shovel a driveway on your head.
57. Why don’t bald people use keys?
    Because they’ve lost their locks.
58. Why was the math book sad?
    Because it had too many problems.
59. What did the bald man say after winning the lottery?
    I’m “bald” over with excitement!
60. Why don’t bald men ever use keys?
    They’ve lost their locks.

Final Thoughts

After laughing your way through these hilarious bald jokes, we hope you’re feeling lighter on top and heavier in the heart. If you’re still in the mood for more humor, check out these other collections of jokes.

Remember, sharing a good laugh is a fantastic way to connect with others. Share these jokes with friends and family for some playful enjoyment!