Listen up and get ready for a symphony of laughter with these 40 hilarious jokes all about ears. Whether you’re all ears or just looking for a good chuckle, these jokes will surely tickle your funny bone.
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These are from beano.com
Ears Jokes
I told my doctor I was deaf in my left ear. He said Are you sure? I said, I’m definite!
What do you call an elephant made of ears? The answer is entirely ear-elephant!
What do you call a bear with three ears? A bearearear!
I tried to listen to the match the other day… I just ended up burning my ear!
I had a strawberry growing out of my ear… The doctor told me to put some cream on it!
What do you call someone who can hear things a hundred miles away? A super-hear-o!
What’s it called when you have a jingling in your left ear but not your right? Earring loss!
How do you make your ears pop? Try some sparkly earrings!
Why can’t your earlobe be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
It’s a long tale… said the snake… I’m all ears! said the elephant!
I used to play guitar by ear… Then I realised it was better to use my hands!
What do you call the night before an ear operation? New Ears Eve!
I’ve never seen the inside of my ears… But I’ve heard good things!
What do you call friends with Airpods? Earbuds!
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear? Anything you want, he can’t hear you!
Why did the pianist keep slamming his head on the keyboard? He was playing by ear!
What kind of ears do trains have? Engineers!
How do mountains hear? With mountaineers!
A man goes to the doctor with jelly, cream and sponge cake in his ear… The doctor says, Looks like you’re a trifle deaf!
A man goes to the doctor with lettuce sticking out of his ear… The doctor says, That’s just the tip of the iceberg!
How many ears does Captain Picard have? Three: his left ear, his right ear, and his Final Frontier!
How much does it cost for a pirate to pierce his ears? A buccaneer!
What do you call a bear with a missing ear? B!
How do elephants stay cool in the jungle? Ear conditioning!
Why don’t scarecrows share their secrets? Because the corn has ears…
Best Missing Ear Jokes
What did the ear say when it was asked to go to the party? Sorry, I’m missing out!
Why did the man with one ear become a great musician? He always turned a deaf ear to criticism!
Why did the pirate with a missing ear become a great listener? He always paid ‘half’ attention!
What did one ear say to the other ear that went missing? Come back, I’m all alone-ear!
Why don’t secrets spread among people with one ear? Because they only get half the story!
How do you tell a joke to someone with one ear? Very carefully, you don’t want it to go in one ear and out nowhere!
What’s the hardest part about losing an ear? Trying to find ear-plugs that fit!
Funny Jokes About an Ear with a Band-Aid
- Why did the ear wear a band-aid?
Because it had a hear-tbreak. - What do you call an ear with a band-aid?
An ear-mergency! - Why did the ear need a band-aid?
It got into a fight with an earring and lost! - How does an ear with a band-aid listen to music?
Very carefully, it’s on injury reserve. - Why did the ear with a band-aid go to school?
To get some ear-ducation on first aid! - Why did the ear put on a band-aid?
It had a sound wound. - What did the ear say to the other ear with a band-aid?
I’m all band-aid up for the party! - How did the ear feel after getting a band-aid?
Ear-resistibly better! - Why did the ear with a band-aid start a band?
Because it was good at cover songs! - Why did the ear wear a band-aid to the concert?
It couldn’t handle the piercing notes!
Ears Jokes One Liners
- Why did the ear want to play music?
It wanted to be an ear-guitarist. - Why was the ear bad at telling secrets?
It kept everything too loud. - Why did the ear refuse to go to the concert?
It couldn’t handle the drum rolls. - What do you call an ear that can’t hear?
Anything you want, it won’t respond! - Why did the ear visit the doctor?
It couldn’t get a handle on all the wax news.
Roast me time from reddit:
This dude don’t need an alarm he can hear the sun come up in the morning.
When there’s a light breeze outside, does your head spin like a weather vane?
Luckily the ears distract from your nose.
Him: good and you
Me: How are you?
If you are going to have a deep conversation with someone, never say ‘I’m all ears.’
What do those things make, 2 candles a day?
Im conflicted, because your face says ‘wtf ya lookin at,’ but your ears are begging for a conversation.
Its not fun when he can hear the roast coming before they are even typed.
You look like a wingnut.
Everyone drew you as a kid.
I would never roast you, I’m a huge fan of your work in Futurama.
You look like you should be wearing a tracksuit and selling fake Rolexes somewhere in Bosnia.
You look like the last surviving Mr. Potato head in Chernobyl.
With ears like that what haven’t you heard?
The wicked witch of the east has been looking for you…
You know how when you get bored with EA sports games, you just start messin’ with the create a character. Then you make a generally normal face, then exaggerate the characteristics just a little bit… then you scrunch it all down, so it only takes up like 60% of the intended real estate. That’s what’s going on here.
Your ears are so big, Russian military desperately wants to hire you as a missile detector.
Rotate 180 degrees. Same face.
What do satellites sound like?
You look like a really bad relief pitcher, who had a short career and is still very active on Twitter.
The USA women will lift a world cup that has handles just like that!!
Enjoy those lambo door ears.
Can you hear me typing this?
Do you even bother with a parachute when you go base jumping?
If I blew a hairdryer in your face you’d take off.
Isn’t this the last scene in Cloverfield?
34in ear size?? GAH DAMN!
Jesus, no need to yell! I can hear you.
Do you want them written or spoken?
Whichever is easiest for you. Don’t want you to hurt yourself.
The dude’s got more ears than a field of corn.
Short Ears Jokes
- Why did the ear break up with the nose?
It found out the nose was picking another. - What do you call a fake ear?
An ear-relevant. - Why did the ear go to school?
To improve its listening skills. - Why was the ear always calm?
It was good at ear-itating. - Why don’t ears get lost?
They always follow sound advice.
Ears Jokes for Adults
- Why did the ear fail its driving test?
It couldn’t hear the stop sign. - Why did the ear get a job at the bar?
To become an ear-tender and listen to all the stories. - Why was the ear always at the gym?
To stay in ear-resistible shape. - Why did the ear get promoted?
It had great hear-say skills. - What’s an ear’s favorite type of joke?
One that’s ear-resistibly funny.
Big Ear Jokes
- Why did the elephant have big ears?
Because Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom. - Why did the man with big ears become a pilot?
He always wanted to be airborne. - Why do big ears make terrible spies?
They can’t go undetected. - Why did Dumbo refuse to listen to secrets?
He had too much on his plate! - Why did the big-eared man love sailing?
Because he was a natural at catching the wind.
Ears Jokes for Kids
- Why did the ear bring a notebook to class?
To take ear-notes. - What’s an ear’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak. - Why did the ear get excited for the weekend?
It couldn’t wait to ear-n some rest. - Why did the ear join the band?
To play the ear-drums. - Why was the ear always happy?
Because it heard so many jokes!
Dirty Ears Jokes
- Why did the ear go to the party?
To get ear-waxed. - Why don’t ears like gossip?
It’s just ear-pollution. - Why did the ear take a shower?
It was tired of all the dirty talk. - Why did the ear join the cleaning crew?
To get rid of all the ear-wax. - Why did the ear refuse to share earbuds?
It didn’t want any dirty secrets.
Missing Ear Jokes
- Why did the pirate have a missing ear?
He forgot to duck during a cannonball fight. - What do you call a man with one ear?
Anything you like, he won’t hear it. - Why did the artist paint a missing ear?
It was a Vincent van Gogh tribute. - Why did the ear go missing during the storm?
It got blown away by the wind. - Why was the missing ear always calm?
It was used to hearing nothing.
Big Ear Jokes One Liners
- Why did the man with big ears become a lifeguard?
To catch more waves. - Why did the big-eared man become a musician?
He had an ear for music. - Why was the big-eared rabbit so popular?
It was all about the hare-apparent. - Why did the big-eared man become a detective?
He always had his ears to the ground. - Why did the big-eared dog always win at fetch?
He heard the ball from miles away.
Ear Puns
Tune in to these ear-related puns that are sure to resonate with your sense of humor. Share these puns to spread the joy!
- What do you call a musician’s ears?
A-listeners. - Why was the ear feeling lonely?
Because it was all by its lonesome! - Did you hear about the ears that got married?
They’re now a perfect pair. - How do ears greet each other?
Lobe to meet you! - What do you call a smart ear?
An intellectual! - Why did the ear go to school early?
It wanted to get an ear-ly education. - Did you hear about the ear that started a band?
It wanted to be an ear-resistible performer. - What’s an ear’s favorite snack?
Corn on the ear! - How do ears stay in touch?
Through Bluetooth technology! - What did the one ear say to the other during the concert?
This music is ear-resistible! 
These are from upjoke:
Ear Jokes
A Husband Whispers in his Wife’s Ear at the Bar
A Husband Whispers in his Wife’s Ear at the Bar:
Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the bar where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.
Yes, she says, I remember it oh so well!
OK, he says, Let’s go there again, and we can do it for old time’s sake?
Oh Marvin, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in…
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, This is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.
I Nibbled on my 3 Year Old’s Ear
I nibbled on my 3-year-old’s ear and said, I’m going to eat your ears. She said, Papa! No! Don’t eat my ears!
My mask will fall off!
(True story from yesterday, happy end of 2021!)
A Lady Comes Home from her Doctor’s Appointment Grinning from Ear to Ear
A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, Why are you so happy?
The wife says, The doctor told me that for a forty-five-year-old woman, I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old.
Oh yeah? quipped her husband, What did he say about your forty-five-year-old ass?
She said, Your name never came up in the conversation.
Alone with my Girlfriend
So there I am, alone with my girlfriend. She leans closer and whispers in my ear…
Tell me something you’ve never told anyone at all.
After a pause, I whisper back, I think the Owl People are already among us.
Who?
Holy shit!
In Bed with a Blind Girl
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she whispered in my ear, You have the biggest penis I’ve ever laid my hands on!
I said, Na, you’re just pullin’ my leg!
Short Ear Jokes
Ears to the Ground
The older cowboy turns to the younger one and says, You see that? Just by putting his ear to the ground, he can hear what’s coming from miles off.
The Indian lifts his head and says, A full wagon, drawn by a single horse, two passengers and a dog.
The Indian puts his head back down and continues, Heading east, about 3 miles away.
The young cowboy exclaims, That’s amazing!
The Indian replies, Yep. They ran me over a half hour ago.
God in the Garden of Eden
God is walking through the Garden of Eden one morning when he sees Adam sitting by himself, grinning from ear to ear.
God says to Adam, You’re looking very happy this morning! Has something good happened?
Oh yes, Adam replies. This morning we found out why I have a penis and Eve has a vagina! It was awesome. We’re going to call it ‘sex’!
God is shocked. Adam, what you have done is a sin! You a…
Women’s Attractive Ears
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
(Not sure if this one translates well to English)
Captain Kirk’s Ears
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Three: a left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear.
Victim with Semen in Ear
The victim was found with semen in her ear.
I guess you could say she could hear the killer coming.
Ears Jokes for Adults
Erect Your Ears for This One
A woman asks her husband to start taking those pills that will help him achieve an erection. He agrees. The next day, she asks if he got the pills. Picked ’em up today. Here you go, honey, and tosses her a bottle of diet pills.
During Mass
During Mass, an elderly woman said into her husband’s ear: I’ve just had a quiet fart, act like it’s nothing…
Her husband replied: I’m not going to do anything now, but in the end, we’re going to buy new batteries for your hearing aid.
New Job as a Bingo Caller
I started my new job as a bingo caller last night and halfway through calling the numbers I farted loudly. My boss immediately came over and whispered in my ear, Don’t do that again.
Sorry, I said, It must be the nerves.
Fair enough, he replied, But there was no need to hold the microphone directly on your asshole.
Ear Fucked
I fucked a girl in her ear.
I should get tested because she now has hearing aids.
The Baby Without Ears
Little Johnny’s neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, What a beautiful baby. The mother said, Why, thank you, Little Johnny. Johnny said, He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?
Yes, the mother replied, we are so thankful; the doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.
That’s great, said Little Johnny, ’Coz he’d be fucked if he needed glasses.
Big Ear Jokes
Big Ears Joke One Liners
What do you call a bear with three ears? A bearearear.
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear? Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
Why do elephants have big ears? Because Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom.
Why did the man with big ears become a pilot? He always wanted to be airborne.
Why do big ears make terrible spies? They can’t go undetected.
Ears Jokes for Kids
What did the ear say after it was hit with a high frequency? It Hz.
Why did the ear go to school? To improve its listening skills.
Why did the ear join the band? To play the ear-drums.
What’s an ear’s favorite game? Hide and squeak.
Why don’t ears get lost? They always follow sound advice.
Dirty Ears Jokes
A British Tourist in America
A British tourist visits a brothel in America [NSFW] Shameless repost of a classic, relevant today. Geoffrey, a middle-aged British tourist on his first visit to California, finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away! Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams, No! and walks quickly away. The madam is surprised that this ordinary-looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no, and it’s not likely anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Geoffrey’s. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, NO WAY, BUDDY! and smacks him as hard as she can and leaves. Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen
Ear One Liners
Enjoy these quick one-liners for some light-hearted amusement. Share these jokes with friends and family for a good chuckle.
- Ears never get tired; they’re always ready to listen up!
- Why do ears make terrible liars?
They can’t keep a straight face. - I tried to tell an ear joke, but it fell a bit flat.
- What did one ear say to the other during the argument?
Let’s try to keep things on a ‘sound’ footing. - Ears are great listeners—they’re always attuned to conversations.
- Did you hear about the ear that went to the gym?
It wanted to get in ear-shape. - How do ears always stay positive?
They keep an open mind about things! - Why do ears always ace their exams?
They’re great at listening to the teacher. - What’s an ear’s favorite game?
Hear and seek! - Did you hear about the ears that ran away?
They wanted to get some space.
Best Ear Jokes
Enjoy the first part of the best ear jokes that are sure to make you smile. These are the cream of the crop when it comes to ear-related humor!
- What do you call an ear that can’t hear?
Anything you want—it can’t hear you anyway! - Why was the ear always getting into trouble?
It had a habit of eavesdropping. - How do ears always stay stylish?
They keep up with the latest ear-fashions. - Did you hear about the ear that won an award?
It had a sound performance! - Why do ears love math?
They’re great at problem hearing! - Ears are great at networking; they always connect with conversations.
- What’s an ear’s favorite sport ?
Curling—it loves to lobe the stone. - Did you hear about the ear that started a business?
It had a good hearing for opportunities. - Ears are great at telling jokes; they always have a good punchline.
- Why was the ear always tired?
It had a long day of listening in. - How do ears keep their secrets safe?
They’re always closed-lipped. - Why did the ear go to the doctor?
It had an ear-ritating problem. - Ears are the best at multitasking; they can ear and listen at the same time.
- Did you hear about the ear that took up acting?
It wanted to make its debut on the stage. - Why do ears make terrible chefs?
They can’t stand the hearing of food sizzling. - Ears are always reliable; they never fall out with friends.
- What did the one ear say to the other after a long day?
Let’s call it a ‘day’! - Ears are great motivational speakers; they’re always uplifting!
- Did you hear about the ear that traveled the world?
It had a real globetrotting adventure. - Why did the ear turn red?
It was all ear-itation!
Final Earful of Laughter
We hope these ear jokes have brought a smile to your face and a laugh to your lips. If you’re still craving more humor, check out these other collections of jokes:
- Anatomy Humor Jokes
- Fish Jokes
Remember, sharing a good laugh is a wonderful way to connect with others. Share these jokes with friends and family for some playful enjoyment!
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