When it comes to legendary figures in pop culture, few can match the mythical status of Chuck Norris. A martial artist, actor, and the subject of some of the most hilariously exaggerated feats known to the internet, Chuck Norris has become synonymous with superhuman strength, unworldly skills, and a touch of humor that can lighten any mood. It’s no wonder that Chuck Norris jokes have become a genre of their own – a blend of the absurd and the fantastic, always delivered with a nod to his indestructible persona.
In this collection, we dive into the world of Chuck Norris jokes, not just through words, but through art. We’ve brought to life some of the most outlandish and entertaining Chuck Norris jokes with a series of images that capture the spirit of the humour.
From bending the laws of physics to showcasing talents that defy logic, each illustration is a tribute to the man, the myth, the legend: Chuck Norris.
So, prepare to suspend disbelief and embrace the impossible.
Here’s to Chuck Norris – the man who can do everything… except be defeated by mere mortals.
Table of Contents
Funny Chuck Norris Jokes
- Why don’t shadows dare to follow Chuck Norris? Because even shadows know better than to tread on his territory.
- What happens when Chuck Norris does push-ups? He doesn’t push himself up, he pushes the Earth down.
- Why did the computer get cold when Chuck Norris logged in? Because it couldn’t handle the coolness.
- How does Chuck Norris catch fish? He stares at the lake until the fish get out to surrender.
- Why does Chuck Norris never use a watch? Time dares not to limit him.
- What’s Chuck Norris’ favorite type of music? Heavy metal – because that’s what his muscles are made of.
- Why doesn’t Chuck Norris do laundry? His clothes clean themselves out of respect.
- What happens when Chuck Norris enters a room? The room gets an upgrade.
- Why does Chuck Norris never get a parking ticket? Tickets don’t dare to fine him.
- How does Chuck Norris play soccer? He kicks the ball once, and it never comes down.
- Why does Chuck Norris never get lost? The universe realigns itself according to his direction.
- Why don’t viruses infect Chuck Norris? They’re not equipped for suicide missions.
- What’s Chuck Norris’ favorite drink? Lava, served hot.
- Why does Chuck Norris never blink? To not miss a nanosecond of life.
- How does Chuck Norris send a letter? He stares at the envelope until it gets scared and mails itself.
- Why is Chuck Norris’ diary the most-read book? Because history writes itself around him.
- What happens when Chuck Norris gives a speech? Even the microphone stands straighter.
- Why does Chuck Norris never dial the wrong number? Numbers rearrange themselves to be correct.
- What’s Chuck Norris’ favorite video game? Real life, on hard mode.
- Why does Chuck Norris play golf with a baseball bat? Because it’s more challenging.
- How does Chuck Norris make popcorn? He stares at the corn, and it pops out of respect.
- Why is Chuck Norris the best secret keeper? Because secrets reveal themselves to him.
- What’s Chuck Norris’ idea of a light snack? A whole chicken.
- Why don’t books have any words in them for Chuck Norris? Because they know he prefers action.
- How does Chuck Norris tie his shoes? He doesn’t; they tie themselves in his honor.
- Why does Chuck Norris never wait in line? Lines form behind him.
- What happens when Chuck Norris tells a joke? Even the serious can’t help but laugh.
- Why does Chuck Norris always win at chess? The king never dares to face him.
- What’s Chuck Norris’ method of meditation? Staring at the sun until it blinks.
- Why don’t we ever see Chuck Norris in movies? Because he’s busy living them in real life.
- How does Chuck Norris change a lightbulb? He just looks at it, and it lights up.
- Why does Chuck Norris never use a map? Every place finds its way to him.
- What’s Chuck Norris’ favorite animal? The dragon. He keeps one as a pet.
- Why does Chuck Norris never call tech support? Because the tech supports him.
- How does Chuck Norris make an omelette? He stares at the eggs until they scramble themselves.
- Why does the sun set? Because it’s trying to escape Chuck Norris.
- What’s Chuck Norris’ method of traveling? He walks, and the world moves under his feet.
- Why does Chuck Norris never lose a game of hide and seek? Because hiding spots reveal themselves to him.
- How does Chuck Norris cut his hair? He doesn’t; his hair cuts itself in fear.
- Why does Chuck Norris never write tests? Because the answers seek his approval.
Best Chuck Norris Jokes
- Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on the shower, he stares at it until it starts to cry.
- When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on. He turns the dark off.
- In an average living room, there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
- When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up; he’s pushing the Earth down.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
- Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
- When Chuck Norris enters a courtroom, the judge stands up.
- Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
- Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
- When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
- Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the crap out of it.
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
- Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
- When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.
The Very Best Chuck Norris Jokes
- Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
- Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.
- When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he’s not lifting himself up; he’s pushing the Earth down.
- Chuck Norris can sit at the corner of a round table.
- Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
- When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on. He turns the dark off.
- Chuck Norris can hear someone’s silent thoughts.
- Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
- Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
- When Chuck Norris slices onions, the onions cry.
- Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
- Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
- Chuck Norris can make a happy meal cry.
- When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
- Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
- Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
